The Disprover to dumb fairytales
by pooks
Summary: These are ella's words. not from ella enchanted. From the false story of Cinderella. and beleive me, her words are strong!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own characters or anything. I just own the plot. So DON'T STEAL IT!! Please R&R. I need criticism.  
  
My story Ella enchanted  
  
I'm sick and tired of everyone telling my story their way. So I'm gonna tell it for once. Okay, yeah, my name is Ella, some people called me Cinders, but GOD. You people get a little obsessed. Fairy-tales and cartoons?? No. sorry. I don't do cartoons. I also don't do singing. That is sooo not me.  
  
Sorry. You might be a little confused at this point. I'll start over. Okay. Here goes. My name is Ella. I'm like really old, but I don't look it right now. That's because I'm from the Middle Ages and I'm magically preserved. But I'll get to the magic part a bit later. I was NOT thirteen or eighteen when my story began. I was much older. I was about 27 when my father died. I was way too old to marry. Like, seriously. I was almost over the hill. I hadn't married because I wanted to take care of my dad. He was pretty old. He was dying, in fact. So I wanted to devote all my time to keeping him happy. He didn't trust the guys who wanted to marry me anyway. He didn't trust most men. He might have been gay. He must have been to marry my stepmom, who was quite manly herself. But she was actually NICE. It really pisses me off how she's made out to be such a b*tch sometimes. She's like my mother. Well, she would be. But she died like 500 years ago, so whatever. If you haven't figured it out, I'm not very sensitive or emotional. I'm not the stupid soft beauty I am w/ Disney crap. Okay, so my dad married my stepmom when I was like, three. She was really nice, and single and young. She was like 20 at the time. She didn't have kids, and she didn't try to be my mom. She was like an aunt at first. Then, when I was six, they had Gwen. She was my sister and I loved her a lot. No evil stepsisters there. (and she was a half sister, anyway). I really missed her when she died at 12 from polio. So I didn't have all these evil stepsisters pushing me around. No. So I was like 27 when my dad died. I didn't trust men. Not until I met this really hot duke. I mean, like seriously. Wowsers. This guy had like black hair and bright green eyes and was sooo buff. So I like really liked him, but he was scum who wanted to get my inheritance (we were totally loaded), so I totally dumped him. I kissed him first and then I shoved him in a hole. ((back then, a kiss was like at least 3rd base)) I like misleading people. He was my first serious like, but I got over him quick. It was really a skin thing, anyway. Then I really fell head-over-heels in love. With my cousin before I knew he was my cousin. I mean, that was typical for the Middle Ages, but GROSS. Thank god I didn't kiss him. Anyway, I found out he had known all along, so I cursed him. He died. He was a d!ck anyway. Yes, im b*tchy. Deal. So anyway, then I really fell in love. Even I couldn't resist Christophe. French!! OMG!! And why the heck do you people call him Charm?? That's seriously retarded. By the way, I'm RUSSIAN. Not English. The English can be seriously botarded and the boys are ugly (they used to be. They've gotten a helluva lot better in the past 500 years, let me tell you.) Christophe had blonde hair, and he could speak Russian. How many French guys do you know that can speak Russian?? He was king of this like French province or something. I don't know. I don't speak French so I forgot the name. But he did a really good Russian accent, and he came to my house which was like 500 km away from a city so he was devoted. And stuff. I married him when I was 33. Like seriously old. But no 


	2. the ending

Disclaimament: I don't own Cinderella or Professor Chaos or any south Park ideas.  
Sorry I was interrupted in my telling of.the tale.  
  
Anyway-no way I could be happy or anything with Christophe. That would just be tooo perfect for me, right? Yeah, I'm bitter. Christophe used me in a bad way. As in, HE TOOK OVER RUSSIA. I know, right?? That's exactly what I said!! As in  
  
#@%$$#%##%#^%#^$$ $##%^(*(&*^%*& ON A STICK!!  
  
And then I was his prisoner. In a completely disgusting way. I won't get into that but lets just say it blew and so did I. Stop getting grossed out!! The Middle Ages were hella crude!! By the way, excuse me for the modern language. I realize I'm 500 years old but since I like to feel young I pick up on the language. OK???  
  
I was Christophe's whatchamacallit-love slave?? Mistress? Not really but I'll go with......LS. (Love slave. Yeah, you're dumb if you didn't get that the first time around.) I'm really familiar with getting screwed over (I usually screw under, though)  
  
After that, I ran away. Typical, I know. Predictable, I know. But I hate being used so I ran away to Switzerland (it doesn't matter that there was no Switzerland then. I really can't remember the name, I'm not bilingual). I became Professor Chaos. With magic when a big old star fell on me. Yes, I am Professor Chaos. The mystery of Cinderella (which is a dumb name anyway) is solved. I am now Chaosellallale. 


End file.
